A (hopefully) finished awakening

[Annwyn]

(If this doesn't belong here, please move it)

I'm going to start from the beginning of everything so people will understand better and so I can get it all written out and neatly organized (I had this written out before typing):

When I first learned of therianthropy and what it was, I thought, "Oh, cool-that fits me". I thought I was a wolf at first because it fit how I was feeling and most of the characteristics. This was before I knew about any other types of kin. It also fit because my spirit guide is a wolf and she had done a sort of "latch on" (for lack of a better word) because I was going through a rough spot and I was about to move.

I then began to feel tiger-like along with dragon (which has always been there). This "felt" so much better than the wolf and whenever I would meditate or soul-search, that's what would come up. It was the one thing I was certain of until Gabriel showed up. I didn't get nervous or anything upon realizing about him and just kind of stepped into the idea that I was part of a Multiple System.

Gabriel came with very few memories of his past life, outside of knowing he was a guardian celestial, his death, and a memory of an old lover. He was a happy-go-lucky person and seemed 100% different than me. However, as time slowly moved on I began to doubt my tiger side; and Gabriel and I seemed to be becoming the same person.

This was confusing and I took a mini-break, but I got so confused and lost that I needed someone to talk to. I talked to four different people with four different answers. Each was a good answer, but two struck a chord with me. One I had even been toying with: that Gabriel was a sort of aspect of me, a past life.

The only issue I had with this because Gabriel had his own memories and thoughts so I moved onto another idea: try "living" as Gabriel as if he was a personality shift. I did that and it feels so right to be doing so. My energy has stopped fluctuating and I no longer feel as if I'm about to break.

I still have those memories of his. I feel I can say that I know how me and him split. I think it was due to the fact I died as a child. I can safely say that me and him have "merged" once more because I am starting to get over my incident and starting to handle things better.

Now, on to my kin-type:

I carry the aspects of my past lives with me, but I can safely say I'm an angel--though I do have a dragon form among others. People may not feel that what I'm next about to say is a valid reason, but it's one of the main parts as to why I feel this: I prayed and got an "answer". I prayed for help and understanding in what I am and for direction. It had been years since I had prayed sincerely. The "answer" was a feeling of warmth and content and the word "angel". I feel tons better since this and it explains my vampire-like tendencies and my tendency to "adopt" people based off of how old they feel--I may not know that person very well or maybe not at all, but if I get a "whiff" of their energy and they feel young, I'll feel protective. Does it necessarily have to do with the kin-type? Not really, but it corresponds nicely.

I don't know who I served and I don't really want to know. All I know was, was that I was a guardian angel first and foremost, but I would also do any other "jobs" that were "assigned" to me.

Well...that's all, I guess. I don't really know how to continue on. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them! (I have probably forgotten to put stuff so questions always help, lol).

[AstralSpire]

Interesting, I thought you will come to conclusion that Gabriel is your part manifesting as "head mate," when I started reading this topic.

What did you feel when you realized that you are an Angel? (emotion) And what did you feel "in yourself," (physically) and where on your body?

[Annwyn]

What did you feel when you realized that you are an Angel? (emotion) I felt as if everything was right. It felt almost like coming home after a very long absence. I was ecstatic and at the same time calm. I can go on and on in that same boat, but I don't like to repeat myself over and over again, lol.

what did you feel "in yourself," (physically) and where on your body? The only thing that was "physical" was that felt warm and fuzzy deep down in my chest. It was that feeling you get when you feel as if you're welcome and you're where you belong and as if you know you're loved by someone.

[Elinox]

Moved because it seemed like more of a personal article than a topic for discussion.

Also, what you've described with merging with Gabriel sounds similar to what people call "walk-ins"; a soul that comes into the body when the original host dies/leaves. Interesting to read, thanks for sharing!

[Annwyn]

You're welcome =)

[Motley]

Finished? Lol, it's been twenty years and I don't think I'm finished yet. Too many unanswered questions.

Sounds almost like one of those soul-retreival deals, but your fragment took its time in reintegrating. Not a bad idea, really.

I do wonder if celestials incarnate into animal forms first so they can get the hang of working with a physical body before they are bombarded by all the mental distrations that humans get. Or could be that putting a celestial fragment inside a physical form is a way of stabilizing it until can heal itself, and some of the habits of the physical form shapes the fragment as it grows. Could be how I ended up hawkish. Of course, the form was probably chosen because it was suitable in the first place. (I'm rambling again...)

[Annwyn]

I like your rambles, Motley. And I really like the second one--mostly because it would make sense with my life, lol.

Oh, I've no doubt that I'm going to keep learning...imagine, in 50 years I may be a platypus or something XP...I like to learn though and open to whatever may be thrown my way.

[Rein]

This, actually, is kind of what my awakening was like. In the beginning, I was freaking out because I was sure I'd been possessed after the episode that started everything. I think that sometimes our brains just get confused, especially if your awakening is sudden like mine was. There's this influx of new data and attributes that wasn't there before, so the brain assembles it into a separate package, another 'person', until it otherwise figures out what to do with it.

It took me awhile, but I eventually realized that 'Rein' as I called her was just my brain's way of interpreting my own newly-rediscovered persona. After that things fell into place quickly.

Congrats on figuring things out with more grace than myself, Shang.

[Annwyn]

Thanks, Kayako =)

My brain definitely was almost at an overload with everything >> lol