Being Human
Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 2:43 amY’know…I’m not big on humanity , but I still cant deny the undeniable , I’m human , my language is human , I eat , drink , **** and sleep like a human , I suffer from human frailty’s…I even have human needs and desires , I have those human needs and desires because ..hey…I’m human , and so is everybody else here .
The vast majority of otherkin ….erm…subscribe to the idea of being otherkin themselves in a spiritual / metaphysical sense , a lot of it comes from past lives , that’s the majority of us .
There are handfuls who subscribe because of other reasons , but the very smallest number subscribe because of physical effects .
Now unless you have horns and a tail , red glowing eye’s , talons , or at the very least non-human DNA , you are effectively human .
But the fact is …we know there’s more to life and probably a great deal more to us .
Each of us are connected to something …I’ll be honest and say most of us don’t know what the hell’s going on , that’s why we’re asking ourselves if we’ve gone crazy all the time .
A lot of people are compliant , they’re happy to be just something more than human , human+ if you will , human with that added bit of extra spice , and they’re just happy to leave it at that , but I’m not one of them , I didn’t join places like this to slap myself with a label…
I mean I don’t know how life is for the rest of you guys ( and gals ) , but being “different” isn’t easy for me , I’m not some angst ridden teen , I’m 34 this year ( an old man by some kids standards ) I’m living my life the best I can and not waiting for it to be thrust at me , yet as every year passes I cant help but feel more estranged from the humanity around me .
In a way , I have been on my own spiritual quest , trying to understand myself , my place in the world , my interest in otherkin is a part of that quest , I’m not trying to run away from my humanity , in fact in the early days I considered myself to be more “Human” than most people around me .
I could be compassionate where other people couldn’t , I could act for the common good where other people just didn’t want to , I could “feel” and empathise , I was open minded , to be honest after a while , humanity seemed “blunt” to me , I could comprehend concepts and idea’s that other people around me couldn’t even begin to grasp , it honestly felt like I was working on a higher intellectual and spiritual level.
Back and forth , back and forth , always moving on to something new , science was assumption , religion was fake , spiritualism was narrow minded , the occult was too melodramatic …on and on and on .
One day I just simply ran out of places to keep looking …
People chose to believe that they’re otherkin for many reasons , but in a way , that’s my biggest problem , “Belief” , I’ve never been a person who had to depend on belief , all the things I needed proof of I got …
Now as its been said before , proof is a very personal thing , what serves as proof to me would probably be useless to you and I understand and accept that , there are many people out there who have had some form of personal proof about all manner of things , for being otherkin to the existence of a god , for all their experiences might serve to enlighten me , its very unlikely it would serve me or anybody else as proof .
that’s why I laugh when I hear people give a short personal bio and then ask “ what kinda kin am I ? “
Asking questions and getting answers is one thing , but asking someone …who is for all intents and purposes a complete stranger …to tell you ”what you are “ is simply foolish .
A lot of people who haunt otherkin , therian or even vampire community’s aren’t really looking for self enlightenment , they don’t truly want to know themselves , they let their own desires and imaginations come out to play for a while…
They aren’t just running away from what I suppose you’d call their “true selves” , but from humanity and the real world in general …but…for all this is one of my own personal pet peeves , I can understand that , I’ve been around many community’s for around the 15 year mark ( to be honest , its been so long I cant properly recall when I started ) and I’ve heard it all .
I’ve heard some truly heartbreaking stories and met people who where in some really difficult situations , so generally I always try to get to the bottom of why people consider themselves to be vampires or whatever else , most of the time you’ll find that people are simply using it as a defence mechanism , their own lives are so hard and so horrible they turn to a world of people wearing” human-suits “ and convince themselves that they cant be human …the “Cant” here , is actually “Don’t want to be “
In the end its just a way of dealing with the pain ….whatever that pain might be .
But I honestly have to ask , is everybody like that ?
No…well at the very least I certainly know that I’m not , oh believe you me , I’ve been through pain , more than my fair share and my life is far from easy …and yes , over the years my own personal problems have taken their toll on me .
At this stage in my life , I have…I suppose you’d say “recovered “ , I’ve “Dealt” and moved on , at one stage in my life my problems became just too much , during this time I pretty much caved in on myself , I denied myself and I turned away from many things that …up until that point , had been a major part of my life , this really isn’t that uncommon for the vast majority of humanity , now I’m not just trying to re-capture the person that I “was” …but rather I’ve chosen to go all the way and never let myself be crushed by a world that I just don’t have a lot in common with again…
The mundane world can literally suck all the vitality and magic right out of your life if you let it , the “Real” world can fuck you up pretty badly of you take it for granted…basically , what I’m saying is that if you let the problems of the mundane world overtake you , they can make you forget who you really are .
I’ve always stood on the sidelines and never truly “belonged “ , in the early days that was always a problem , trying to find my place in the world , why was I here? why was I different ?
There are lots of people who will jump at the chance to be “different” , but its not as much fun as you might think , it can get very lonely at times …
* laughs to himself for a bit *
I can still recall the classic “Fang” question …
When I was a regular within the vampire community’s , and the community’s themselves where still extremely active , we would get people coming to cretin groups or community’s , ether claiming to be vampires and seeking mentors or asking if they where actually vampires ….all based on one thing .
Slightly elongated canine teeth ….
* Laughs a bit more *
Right enough that was hardly the worst of it , I heard everything from “I like the night “ ,” I’m very pale “ to “ I had a dream about vampires “ , sort of shows you how desperate people are to be different .
My own “differences” , I base on the examples of things that have happened to me , basically my life …
I’m told a story of when I was still pretty much a baby and just getting used to walking , I was taken to a fair ground and somehow I manage to sneak away from my mother , out of all the places I decide to go have a look at , I go look at the chair-o-planes …
I actually walk under the ride …and then the ride starts up , now …try to understand that this is a fairground ride is from 30 or so years ago , the chair-o-planes are large and heavy , and I’m repeatedly struck down by them , the ride owner was an idiot I’m told and the ride actually went up to full speed before they shut it down , all the while there’s little baby DarkRage ..getting a super sized smack upside the head over and over …
By all rights I should ether be dead or severely handicapped …yet I’m not .
Now I do consider that to be strange….
I could talk to animals when I was a kid , again when I was just a toddler , I was taken to Glasgow zoo , aside from getting on with practically all the animals …bar one moody black swan , there is one event that does sort of stand out as being unusual…
There was a large ( though sadly not by today’s standards ) Lion enclosure , one lion in particular was rather restless and kept walking back and forth along the fence , and growling at passers by , In comes baby DR , though this time armed with a fully operational Polaroid camera …I really should have been a journalist.
Alas the camera itself , was a very old affair , monochrome , but still in working order .
Anyway , I spot the lion and figure ..aha!…photo opportunity , so I walk over to a small fence ( which is about half the size of me at the time ) which cordons off the main large fence of the lion enclosure , I climb over ( lets face it , I was good at sneaking away ) and walk a little towards the main fence.
The Lion who I dubbed Leo , starts his rumbling , making sure of his territory , but of course I’m not having any of that ..hey...I have a camera , so I tell him to shut up …he does so , now at this point I must have started attracting attention , because people start to gather around , but what do I care …I have a camera .
I tell Leo to come over to me and obediently he does so , I tell him to be good and sit down , again he obeys , now I’m figuring action shot …so I tell him to roar , and he lets out a loud roar , I snap my picture , thank him and say goodbye , I think I still have that picture some place , those must have been the last pictures we ever took with that camera , we had taken a good few pictures though Hammy ( a pet hamster I had when I was a kid ) decided to use some of them for nesting when he did one of his escape routines , by luck though the picture I took of Leo was untouched…had a look through some old photo’s and I still have it .
Now by the time I head back to my mother ( don’t worry she‘s standing at the fence ), there’s a crowd of people standing around including the keeper of the lions enclosure who are completely shocked ..as my new friend Leo was not exactly the obedient type nor all that friendly , the keeper jokingly asked if I wanted a job …would have been interesting having a 3 year old on the pay roll .
Was that strange ?…well to me no , but apparently to everybody else it was .
But that’s the tip of the iceberg…
There are hundreds if not thousands of events in my life that I could use to describe my differences , I’ve seen and done things that the mundane world just cant accept…yet throughout all of it , there is still one undeniable fact….I’m still human .
Yes I have a few physical oddities , I mean if you could read my medical records , even you’d be confused , but I’m still human , how about powers and ability’s ?…
Pre-cognition , blinking , telepathy have always been my main ability’s , but I have experienced others , astral projection twice , spirit communication on and off , telekinesis once ( I made a watch stop then start again ) I’ve even experienced an Aport and spiritual light …
I’m still human …
Being here and being human is a fact of life , but no I wont say it’s the beginning and the end , far from it .
I know it sound like I’m in denial , but I’m just looking at the facts …
I fully understand why many people want to separate themselves from humanity , I mean god only knows how many times I’ve felt utterly disgusted and ashamed to be human , but there’s nothing I can do to change that fact …
And yes things often do come full circle and I do question my humanity …
I suppose that’s the problem really , maybe there is something intangible about me that’s “not” human , as far as I’m aware , there’s no law of the uni/multiverse that says this cant be the case , perhaps in some distant past life I was something other than human …I mean god knows my past lives have deeply effected this one , I know in a more recent past life I was a heavy pipe smoker , and I had a fixation with handling and checking my pocket watch , both thing which carried over to this life …
So why not ? There’s a possibility that in a previous life I was something other than human , I accept the possibility but its not something I’m just going to jump at , because no matter what …right here and right know , I “am” human .
The vast majority of otherkin ….erm…subscribe to the idea of being otherkin themselves in a spiritual / metaphysical sense , a lot of it comes from past lives , that’s the majority of us .
There are handfuls who subscribe because of other reasons , but the very smallest number subscribe because of physical effects .
Now unless you have horns and a tail , red glowing eye’s , talons , or at the very least non-human DNA , you are effectively human .
But the fact is …we know there’s more to life and probably a great deal more to us .
Each of us are connected to something …I’ll be honest and say most of us don’t know what the hell’s going on , that’s why we’re asking ourselves if we’ve gone crazy all the time .
A lot of people are compliant , they’re happy to be just something more than human , human+ if you will , human with that added bit of extra spice , and they’re just happy to leave it at that , but I’m not one of them , I didn’t join places like this to slap myself with a label…
I mean I don’t know how life is for the rest of you guys ( and gals ) , but being “different” isn’t easy for me , I’m not some angst ridden teen , I’m 34 this year ( an old man by some kids standards ) I’m living my life the best I can and not waiting for it to be thrust at me , yet as every year passes I cant help but feel more estranged from the humanity around me .
In a way , I have been on my own spiritual quest , trying to understand myself , my place in the world , my interest in otherkin is a part of that quest , I’m not trying to run away from my humanity , in fact in the early days I considered myself to be more “Human” than most people around me .
I could be compassionate where other people couldn’t , I could act for the common good where other people just didn’t want to , I could “feel” and empathise , I was open minded , to be honest after a while , humanity seemed “blunt” to me , I could comprehend concepts and idea’s that other people around me couldn’t even begin to grasp , it honestly felt like I was working on a higher intellectual and spiritual level.
Back and forth , back and forth , always moving on to something new , science was assumption , religion was fake , spiritualism was narrow minded , the occult was too melodramatic …on and on and on .
One day I just simply ran out of places to keep looking …
People chose to believe that they’re otherkin for many reasons , but in a way , that’s my biggest problem , “Belief” , I’ve never been a person who had to depend on belief , all the things I needed proof of I got …
Now as its been said before , proof is a very personal thing , what serves as proof to me would probably be useless to you and I understand and accept that , there are many people out there who have had some form of personal proof about all manner of things , for being otherkin to the existence of a god , for all their experiences might serve to enlighten me , its very unlikely it would serve me or anybody else as proof .
that’s why I laugh when I hear people give a short personal bio and then ask “ what kinda kin am I ? “
Asking questions and getting answers is one thing , but asking someone …who is for all intents and purposes a complete stranger …to tell you ”what you are “ is simply foolish .
A lot of people who haunt otherkin , therian or even vampire community’s aren’t really looking for self enlightenment , they don’t truly want to know themselves , they let their own desires and imaginations come out to play for a while…
They aren’t just running away from what I suppose you’d call their “true selves” , but from humanity and the real world in general …but…for all this is one of my own personal pet peeves , I can understand that , I’ve been around many community’s for around the 15 year mark ( to be honest , its been so long I cant properly recall when I started ) and I’ve heard it all .
I’ve heard some truly heartbreaking stories and met people who where in some really difficult situations , so generally I always try to get to the bottom of why people consider themselves to be vampires or whatever else , most of the time you’ll find that people are simply using it as a defence mechanism , their own lives are so hard and so horrible they turn to a world of people wearing” human-suits “ and convince themselves that they cant be human …the “Cant” here , is actually “Don’t want to be “
In the end its just a way of dealing with the pain ….whatever that pain might be .
But I honestly have to ask , is everybody like that ?
No…well at the very least I certainly know that I’m not , oh believe you me , I’ve been through pain , more than my fair share and my life is far from easy …and yes , over the years my own personal problems have taken their toll on me .
At this stage in my life , I have…I suppose you’d say “recovered “ , I’ve “Dealt” and moved on , at one stage in my life my problems became just too much , during this time I pretty much caved in on myself , I denied myself and I turned away from many things that …up until that point , had been a major part of my life , this really isn’t that uncommon for the vast majority of humanity , now I’m not just trying to re-capture the person that I “was” …but rather I’ve chosen to go all the way and never let myself be crushed by a world that I just don’t have a lot in common with again…
The mundane world can literally suck all the vitality and magic right out of your life if you let it , the “Real” world can fuck you up pretty badly of you take it for granted…basically , what I’m saying is that if you let the problems of the mundane world overtake you , they can make you forget who you really are .
I’ve always stood on the sidelines and never truly “belonged “ , in the early days that was always a problem , trying to find my place in the world , why was I here? why was I different ?
There are lots of people who will jump at the chance to be “different” , but its not as much fun as you might think , it can get very lonely at times …
* laughs to himself for a bit *
I can still recall the classic “Fang” question …
When I was a regular within the vampire community’s , and the community’s themselves where still extremely active , we would get people coming to cretin groups or community’s , ether claiming to be vampires and seeking mentors or asking if they where actually vampires ….all based on one thing .
Slightly elongated canine teeth ….
* Laughs a bit more *
Right enough that was hardly the worst of it , I heard everything from “I like the night “ ,” I’m very pale “ to “ I had a dream about vampires “ , sort of shows you how desperate people are to be different .
My own “differences” , I base on the examples of things that have happened to me , basically my life …
I’m told a story of when I was still pretty much a baby and just getting used to walking , I was taken to a fair ground and somehow I manage to sneak away from my mother , out of all the places I decide to go have a look at , I go look at the chair-o-planes …
I actually walk under the ride …and then the ride starts up , now …try to understand that this is a fairground ride is from 30 or so years ago , the chair-o-planes are large and heavy , and I’m repeatedly struck down by them , the ride owner was an idiot I’m told and the ride actually went up to full speed before they shut it down , all the while there’s little baby DarkRage ..getting a super sized smack upside the head over and over …
By all rights I should ether be dead or severely handicapped …yet I’m not .
Now I do consider that to be strange….
I could talk to animals when I was a kid , again when I was just a toddler , I was taken to Glasgow zoo , aside from getting on with practically all the animals …bar one moody black swan , there is one event that does sort of stand out as being unusual…
There was a large ( though sadly not by today’s standards ) Lion enclosure , one lion in particular was rather restless and kept walking back and forth along the fence , and growling at passers by , In comes baby DR , though this time armed with a fully operational Polaroid camera …I really should have been a journalist.
Alas the camera itself , was a very old affair , monochrome , but still in working order .
Anyway , I spot the lion and figure ..aha!…photo opportunity , so I walk over to a small fence ( which is about half the size of me at the time ) which cordons off the main large fence of the lion enclosure , I climb over ( lets face it , I was good at sneaking away ) and walk a little towards the main fence.
The Lion who I dubbed Leo , starts his rumbling , making sure of his territory , but of course I’m not having any of that ..hey...I have a camera , so I tell him to shut up …he does so , now at this point I must have started attracting attention , because people start to gather around , but what do I care …I have a camera .
I tell Leo to come over to me and obediently he does so , I tell him to be good and sit down , again he obeys , now I’m figuring action shot …so I tell him to roar , and he lets out a loud roar , I snap my picture , thank him and say goodbye , I think I still have that picture some place , those must have been the last pictures we ever took with that camera , we had taken a good few pictures though Hammy ( a pet hamster I had when I was a kid ) decided to use some of them for nesting when he did one of his escape routines , by luck though the picture I took of Leo was untouched…had a look through some old photo’s and I still have it .
Now by the time I head back to my mother ( don’t worry she‘s standing at the fence ), there’s a crowd of people standing around including the keeper of the lions enclosure who are completely shocked ..as my new friend Leo was not exactly the obedient type nor all that friendly , the keeper jokingly asked if I wanted a job …would have been interesting having a 3 year old on the pay roll .
Was that strange ?…well to me no , but apparently to everybody else it was .
But that’s the tip of the iceberg…
There are hundreds if not thousands of events in my life that I could use to describe my differences , I’ve seen and done things that the mundane world just cant accept…yet throughout all of it , there is still one undeniable fact….I’m still human .
Yes I have a few physical oddities , I mean if you could read my medical records , even you’d be confused , but I’m still human , how about powers and ability’s ?…
Pre-cognition , blinking , telepathy have always been my main ability’s , but I have experienced others , astral projection twice , spirit communication on and off , telekinesis once ( I made a watch stop then start again ) I’ve even experienced an Aport and spiritual light …
I’m still human …
Being here and being human is a fact of life , but no I wont say it’s the beginning and the end , far from it .
I know it sound like I’m in denial , but I’m just looking at the facts …
I fully understand why many people want to separate themselves from humanity , I mean god only knows how many times I’ve felt utterly disgusted and ashamed to be human , but there’s nothing I can do to change that fact …
And yes things often do come full circle and I do question my humanity …
I suppose that’s the problem really , maybe there is something intangible about me that’s “not” human , as far as I’m aware , there’s no law of the uni/multiverse that says this cant be the case , perhaps in some distant past life I was something other than human …I mean god knows my past lives have deeply effected this one , I know in a more recent past life I was a heavy pipe smoker , and I had a fixation with handling and checking my pocket watch , both thing which carried over to this life …
So why not ? There’s a possibility that in a previous life I was something other than human , I accept the possibility but its not something I’m just going to jump at , because no matter what …right here and right know , I “am” human .
My name is shelby and im very pleased to meet you all